Have you ever had an itch that you just couldn't get to? Maybe there was a place you were in a hurry to arrive at, somewhere you had been trying to get to for too long. Have you ever ran a race, one that you poured all your heart and soul into, to just come up looking at the finish line but unable to get to it? Or maybe you found the perfect little something at the store you've been wanting and your pocket book came up just a few cents short of having enough to but it? That's how I feel right now. I know it's been awhile since I've posted any comments on our adoption process, I guess I thought if I didn't write about it, it wouldn't hurt as bad when I sit and ponder on it. I was mistaken!!! Some days I catch myself thinking about that little girl out there more than others, but she is always there, lurking down deep inside my heart. It's like she's been there all along, she wants to come to the surface, but so many things seem to get into her way. There isn't a day that goes by I don't still see her face, hear her voice, think about how she's not here, and ask myself how much longer. I guess it's hard to say how much longer because I am holding the application in my hands now... I was suppose to mail it last month, and yet here it is. I guess I'm still waiting for the perfect moment to send it. That moment being when all the financial worries are gone, Brian and I are finished with school, the appliances are all working correctly, the house is cleaned and organized, the kids aren't so busy with activities, and gas prices go down. I mean if I wait for my life to be perfect bliss before I do this then I might as well not bother. But see that's the thing, my life is never going to be perfect bliss..... There will always be something not quite like it should be, but my heart isn't quite like it should be now either. I have a child out there that isn't with her family, I know this sounds crazy but that's the great thing about this blog, I can write how I feel and it makes me feel better. It makes me feel heard. I would like to ask anyone who reads this to please pray for our family and for God's grace to be with us through this long process. I know through him all things are possible. The picture at the top is just the cover of our application, we haven't been referred a child yet, just in case you are wondering.
