A call from AWAA

Well I just got off the phone with Aimee, the Asian coordinator at AWAA, with great news. I submitted our pre-application on Monday afternoon. This may seem like just a small step in the grand scheme of things, but to me nothing in this entire process is small. They were suppose to let me know something within three days, and I can be so inpatient. Then last night Brian informed me the agency had called and left a message on the phone. I almost tore down our bedroom door to get to the answering machine. I played the message 3 times before I could comprehend what she was saying. My heart was racing and I had so many emotions come up all at once. When I came back into the kitchen Brian asked me what was wrong, I guess he could see something was up in my eyes. I am known for showing my emotions through my face. I told him nothing, that I just had stuff on my mind. He never lets up until I tell him what's going on, but I just told him we would talk about it later. Then later came while we were giving the kids a bath. I told him I was worried and upset, because I didn't know what to do. I have to have a plan for everything you see, and if I don't have a plan I get stuck. I told him I just wanted God to come right out and tell me exactly what to do!!! I have faith, but I need direction. I don't like the thought of making the wrong decision, I can't handle the fact that I might mess up such a perfect plan he has for our family. Just saying that out loud makes tears roll down my face. When I prayed this morning I told him "I'm so scared, Lord I don't know what to do. Please, help me." I just have a overwhelming feeling of defeat. I'm not saying I'm giving up, I am just saying it's so hard. All night I thought about ways I could pull this off, I know I can, with God's help that is. Maybe this journey is meant to be more of a blessing to me than to anyone else involved. Wow! That's a thought. Then while I was on the phone with Aimee (AWAA) I felt like things were going to work out. I can do this, I am going to do this, I will not be defeated. I will prevail and just when I think I can't, God shows me that all things through him are possible. Aimee informed us that our application looked great!!!! Now if I can just continue to come up with the money!